as i aged,

the title has no relation to this post.
i'm just running out of titles i guess.


its been quite sometime since i last update,so here's one.
let's take you readers back to monday,22nd sept.
went to CMPB for a medical checkup.
its was an hour's journey there plus a 15min walk.
seriously,my first impression of CMPB would be,
tall fence with barb wire on top,
big muscular guys,or should i say army officers,jogging round the perimeter carrying heavy armoury.
probably,guys in green holding big guns that would scare you just by looking at 'em.
lorries carrying soldiers are expected,
jeeps with guns,tanks with huge cannonball launchers placed right on top,would be perfect.


so i thought to myself,it couldn't be that bad right?
i mean,i was there for a purpose,not to intrude.
in my mind i was thinking,what if i was walking towards the entrance and somebody shouted "HOLD!who goes there?!"
he'd probably be pointing his gun at me,ready to fire if i were to yell "I'M MASLAMAT!shoot me mother fcuker!i've been a pain in the ass for you singaporeans!!"


alright,we all know i wouldn't have the guts to do so.
who does?
if any of you readers dare,tell me.
you'd see me laughing my ass off at the corner.


moving on,
reached CMPB,
it wasn't like any of the descriptions above.
it's just a plain building,a blue and white one.
ppl wearing suits coming in and out makes it look more like a typical office building.
so i went in,
i was right about guys in green holding big guns.
went through the checkup,took about 3hrs or so.
found out i was categorised pest B.
a sigh of relieve escapes my body.
it was what i wanted.
to be either in the police or civil defence.


went home after that,
continued sleeping till night.
so basically that's it.
nothing extra ordinary =)

Fiona,liltte person still in love with you.

well it rains and it pours,
when your out on you own,
if i crash on the couch,can i sleep in my clothes?
coz i spent the night dancing,im drunk i supposed,
if it looks like i'm laughing,i'm really just asking to leave.


this alone,your in time for the show,
your the one that i need,your the one that i love,

you can watch me corrode like a beast in repost,
coz i love all the voice and away with the boys in the band,
i'm really bent,
all the pain and it shows,
so why don't you blow me,
a kiss before you go.


give me a shot to remember
and you can take all the pain away from me,
you can see i will surrender.
its deadliest to me.




the above are just words for her.
if you don't get it,you don't have to.





met the boys at playground.
slacked for awhile till we went jetty.
nothing much happened.
no cycling,not much jokes nor fooling around.
so quite a dull day for me.


here's a saying i saw from a book i read,
"if something happens that hurts you deep inside,just know that better things in life are coming."

i understood the sentence by reflecting on my past.
i disagree to certain incidents that took place.
such as now,
i'm deeply hurt.
yet,i don't feel the change.


well heaven knows that,
without her,it's how i disappear.
can you hear me cry out to you,
words i choked on figuring out.
i'm just a ghost,i can't hurt you no more.

here's an update,

so as you can see,i've changed my blogskin.
its an old one actually,i just find it simple yet interesting.
i like the way the background fits with the colorful bars.
it doesn't look outta shape or tone,surprisingly.


i assumed that bright colors when channeled together against a black background,the result's would be,well,a mere headache.


enough about the skin,
as long as im satisfied.


went down the other day,
went to saint anthony's secondary.
don't ask why we went there,its a stupid reason.
passed by skygarden,opposite bedok view sec,
up a slope,down a hill.
turned left,right,went straight.
finally,we reached sabby's block.
went to 8 floor to meet sabby with the crew,
had a lil chat,till it was 6pm.
most of us we're heading home,
so we accompanied acin to tampines,
went home after that.



after much,
met the crew at a playground later on,
waited for the rest,
off to pasir ris.
we took the wrong route out,so we ended up going back half-way.
most of us were dead tired,so we decided to go around tampines instead,
it wasn't really happening,if you know what i mean.

most of the guys we're moody.
so i'm left with loloq to be hyper with.
most of the noise made were either from me or loloq.
it was okay,at least he entertained me.
basically thats it,im taking a nap.
don't really feel like going down.






i can't believe i'm missing her.
i guess my love for her is too strong for me to move on.
i regret breaking up.
idiot.

woaright,
oooh yea,


basic crap.
my blog's hot now!
just joking =)
didn't wanna blog actually.
but loloq begged me to post,
so i shall.


went down at night,
it was drizzling.
cold winds,wet shoes,yeah.
precisely what i wanted.


didn't expect to meet so many of my peeps.
but,you know,an old saying,the more,the merrier!
in this particular case,the more,the merrier but dun forget,its more dangerous.

why dangerous you ask?
well firstly,its wet.
secondly,more ppl are going cyling.
while doing so,you gotta watch out for yourself and your friends.
you'd never know what may happen as the route to our destination is treacherous.


alright,alright.maybe the word "treacherous" is too exaggerating.
in case you don't know,we don't cycle slowly,we race.
so i guess it sort of fits the situation?
nevermind.


raced through the park,into chai chee estate,up a hill,down a winding slope.
stopped by siglap centre.
then off to east coast.
along the way,
an accident occured.
farhan and xenia fell off their bike.
it was okay,nothing serious.
just that farhan's left foot is bleeding.
but wait,isn't that serious enough?
not for farhan.
he takes pain as pleasure.
surely,freaky.
but after having seen him react towards injuries for the past 3yrs,
i'm used to it.LOL.


went to 7-eleven.
bought drinks.
slacked for a lil while,
cycled home.
otw back,loloq was up to his usual nonsense.
kept calling me Mr.botak.
hey,i know i have less hair than before,
but you gotta admit,i'm much cuter than before!
LOL!
omfg,did i just praise myself on my own blog?
definitely not being my usual self.
i don't know what's up with me,
seriously.
i can be quite and become oblivious to my surroundings in just a few seconds.
maybe its because i'm deep in my thoughts.
gonna meet up with the rest later on.
so imma end this post with one word,
fcuk.

its a sunday and dad's home.

he's getting hard.

so decided to stay home to avoid further comments.

switched on the comp,friendstered and stuffs.

till i decide to do what i do best,photoshop!

snap a photo,upload it.

edited and the result's above.

kinda corny don't you think?

i mean i could have done a much better job than this.

running out of ideas on how to photoshop.

im thinking of doing it the old school way.

back to when i first learnt photoshop.

man,that was 2 yrs ago!

but still,its better to do something different.

it has more challenge to me i guess.

alright,about yesterday(saturday night)

went cycling again.

we cycled to pasir ris first as we had to run some things.

came back to reservoir at about 1am(sunday morning)

met phin,

after much,we headed to ping yi secondary sch area.

it was 2am.

raced down a slope.

do stupid stuffs while cycling.

crap,it was fun!

cycled to east coast.

slacked there for awhile.

and after that,planned to cycle home.

i did things i never thought i could with my bike.

objects,wheelie,its as if their on my fingertips.

bragger?nope!

just surprised myself.

tonight,i will be meeting the crew.

see what they're up to this time.

end.

this one i HAVE to blog about.
went online earlier on,was having a break outside.
didn't realise she was online,
she said "take care".
and her personal message says "you've hurt me deeply the way you are now"


didn't you read the post about you?
i've told you,don't feel hurt coz this is what you get for stepping on my head.
im still the mr.nice guy.
but don't mess with me.
i've poured my heart out for you.
its a fact,admit it.
even the guys says so.
they say i'm just wasting my time on you.
becoz i never got anything from you.
its true that some things you do,i'll go crazy over it.
but you don't treat me like a boyfriend.
everyone needs attention from the special someone,even i do.


so you said "the way you are now"
you think i've changed?
try asking the crew,see what they have to say.
nope,i'm still the same.
only my thoughts have changed towards you due to your actions.
you made me this way.
sorry,i don't blame you.
i tried to be at my best.
but then again....
i tried to be the sweetest guy u've ever had,
i dunno if you realise this,
but when we're together,i've never fail to msg you every morning and night.
even with no replies,becoz you say you'll do so only if you can.
i trusted you.so i continued to waste my ppd.
but in the end,you actually lied.
you can waste your ppd for your friends,but not me.
i understand,you friends are too important.




but i know,deep down inside of me,
im missing you.
i would love to have you back.
but,i wan the old you.
the fiona that never fails to put a smile on my face.
the gal who makes my troubles,sail real far away.
Not the one that lies,steps on me.
i hope you understand.
my words can be very insulting,i do realise.
but thats the only way to wake you up.
realise it,understand it,interpret it,change it.
that's all im asking for.

okay,okay.
i got a couple of comments from friends who read my blog.
they say that my english is good?
HAHA!
yea right!
you know what,i think you guys are telling the truth!
im so proud of myself!
wanna know what?i was being sarcastic!
but thnx anyway.teehee!




forget yesterday,imma take you readers back two days ago.
okay guess what?i finally broke up with her =)
and honestly,im proud of myself.
to let go of someone you love is tough,
but i've got the brains and dignity.
why would you wanna love someone who takes you for granted?
what a fool i was.
and to think i actually fell for her on the first day we met.
if i could turn back time,
i'd stand beside my past with a baseball bat in hand,my head as the target and
swing as hard as i can.
yea,that ought to wake me up and realise what type of girl she is.
enough about this,lets talk about friends!



so check this out,
went cycling with the crew to pasir ris on the same day,
7 of us cycled like mad men.
otw there,phin "tompang" me there.
half way,we switched and i had to "tompang" aleaf.
it was okay,had a few accidentally-bump-into-objects incident.
guess im not really good at it.
im trying my best though!
it was some crazy shit out there.
otw back was the climax.
i "tompang" loloq.
he kept yelling about how he could fly and his techniques of doing so.
funny shit!
there's this part,opposite of tampines mall,where alot of ppl stood by the sidewalk,
he yelled "YOU PEOPLE SEE ME FLY!!"
i was like,whatever the heck??!
i couldn't stop laughing!
all i have to say to him is,stop contributing to noise pollution dumbass!
but nevertheless,it was fun.
so went back home after that.
reached home at about 11.30pm.
showered,ate a lil bit,
went back down to meet khai,nas,xenia and mad nor.
we scared the living shit outta nas.
with acts and sounds of ju-on.
he was terrified!
we were laughing our ass off!
slacked at nearby carpark,went off at about 4am as i was tired.




what about today?
went cycling again with the gang,
this time,we took a shorter route to pasir ris.
it was all cool when suddenly khai's bike had a lil problem.
luckily,we broke down only a few hundred metres from pasir ris park.
so it was okay,slowly cycled there.
bike problem was fixed.
but it was nearing 11pm.
i wasn't suppose to reach home after 11pm as dad's at home.
god damn it.
cycled to shell,bought snacks and stuffs.
after that,i had to leave the crew first to avoid futher comments from dad.
raced home.
damn tiring!
i nearly got lost at tampines.
luckily,i saw the police hq.
so i know exactly where i stood.
without much hesitation,i continued to race back home.
by 11.15pm,i was knocking on the door.
guess what?im in luck!
dad didn't say a word.
showered,
and now im blogging with my eyes half open.
so imma hit the lights,goodbye!

Scream those sarcastic words at her face!

damn it!
why am i such a fool to believe?
she went clubbing on 31st august.
before that she told me she was busy studying.
HAH!
do you study in clubs?
wow,i didn't know your concentration level was SOO good!
your able to ignore the dimmed lights,loud music,hot guys??
congrats!
you got a spot in the book of records!
it seems to me it doesn't bother you.
hurting me wouldn't be a problem would it fiona?
i doubt so.
confronted you,
you didn't even have the guts to reply.
no,no.your ppd ain't low.
i know.
there's such a thing called the self automated machine.
for short,SAM.
do you know i can check you balance through it?
the last time i checked,you left with 18 bux in it.
on the same night,you told me your ppd was low.
you really are smart.
but im smarter,
i just act stupid to see if you'd step on my head.
and you did!why am i not surprised??


(sarcasm escalates)

wonder what your doing now.
probably running away from the law.
hiding.
or maybe your in a club?
dancing away.
yea,ima go with the club thingy.
its what your best at.

when you read this,don't say i've hurt you.
face it,whatever hurt i give,is nothing compared to yours.
so far,i only hurt your through words.
but NEVER have my actions.
of course,you don't realise it.
its okay,good guys always loose.
bad girls always win.
that's what they say.
"they" is referring to those who poured their heart for someone.
im included in such people.
im not bragging,just a fact.

so why are you not replying?
guilty huh?
told ya guilt sux.
didn't want to listen.
probably deaf?
or brain dead.



picture this,your girl msgs you saying:
"you want betray me uhs?add girl in friendster?"

i replied:
"they're just friends.i wouldn't do anything to betray you,honey."

she replied:
"good,good.you say one uhs?"


after that,your girl hurt your feeling even after you said you won't do anything to hurt her.


fiona,wanna know the feeling?
IT SUCKS!
but of course,you couldn't care less.
after reading this you might say to me that im thinking too much.
but you don't mean it.
i'm sick of you saying those words.
you said it simply becoz you don't want me to worry as you wanna go out and enjoy.
listen,you've stepped on me,took me for granted.
lemme ask,have you no shame?
you wouldn't answer.
im sure of it.

you'd probably tell everyone about how much i've hurt you after reading this post.
but do they know how much you've hurt me?
if they do know,
they will look down on you and say,pathetic.
you think im a fool?
guess what?i just got alot smarter overnight.

narrator

here's a list of what im thinking now:


spent hours sitting infront of this damn computer screen,
editing blog,friendster.
blog looks alil disfigured,
fully disfigured actually,
just telling myself it looks good,
so that i don't have to spent more hours perfecting it,
went down to meet the guys at night.
played soccer,slacked.
nothing to do now,
just browsing,
also edited a few photos,
but i think they suck,
prbably will upload to blog soon,
missing her too much,
can't wait for raya.
basically that's it.
dull post huh?
well you readers are in luck,
coz i think so too =)

fasting month

these few days,i hadn't find time to come down and meet the guys.
its either parents are getting difficult,or is it just the fasting month.
i admit,i can't blame the month of ramadhan.
neither can i put the blame on my parents.
after all,they do have the right to control me.
so its either i sit at home and played comp all day,or just simply lie in bed till i sleep.
lately,i have this habit of having more than 12hrs of sleep daily.
its like,i would wake up at arnd 12plus,slack at home till arnd 1plus,then felt like sleeping again.
i was lyk,whatever the heck is wrong with me??
i havent been working out for a week now.
even if i have the time to work out,i feel lazy like crap.
need to maintain my health.
fitness must be a 100% this coming 22nd sept.



alrights,went to geylang last night with family.
checked out the bazaar,same old geylang.
alot of ppl,alot of things to buy.
bought punjabi for raya =)
always wanted to wear one for it.
break fast at Har Yassin restaurant.
it was alright there.
murtabak there is awesome.readers should try it out.
walked along the streets of geylang.
ate alot of crappy food.
i just can't stop eating.
i mean,hey,isnt that what you do at bazaars?
to try out the different variety of food?
but one thing bothers me,the people.
im pretty sure alot of ppl thinks the same way.
its too crowded,traffic suck like hell.
more shops than the usual yearly ramadhan bazaar.
stuffy,sweaty.
one more complaint,other people's sweat it rubbed against your shirt.
picture this,
your not perspiring,
ppl around you are like sweaty pigs.
crowded,you have no option but to squeeze in to get through.
obviously their sweat will stain you clothing.
somemore,i was wearing a maroon crew-necked topman.
everyone knows topman clothing expands when there's sweat.
to top things off,it rained!
could this day be any worst?
after much trouble,went home.
i was relieved when i stood in the bus.
even though it was packed,as least im moving away from those crowds.
finally,home sweet home @ 11.20pm.
played comp till 2am,
slept after that.


imma make a pact,
im never going geylang during the fasting month unless i have something to buy there.
or simply,if outing with frens.



FIONA-NA,
im right here missing you baby,
seems like forever since we last met,don't you think?
can't wait to see your beautiful smile again,
coz i know,when i see it,all my problems would vanish in thin air.
your a fairy in disguise.
im sure of that,my guardian angel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KAMSANI LOVES FIONA 190808,and still counting =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

updating!

alrights,

i admit,i haven't been updating for a while now.

but today i must update!

had family outing today.

sham treating us seesha yo!

so met up with the guys at 08,

60-ed to bedok inter,

mrt-ed to bugis,walked to amira's grill.

reached there around 6.25pm i think.

seesha-ed,ate and stuffs.

cam-whored a lil bit.haha

walked around bugis and snapped photos.

visited 77th street and Mac.

till everyone felt like gg bedok to slack.

23-ed back to reservoir,

played soccer at pondok.

haha,it was some crazy shit!

at arnd 11.50,went to 7-eleven to have a drink.

after that,home sweet home.

guys,i had an terrific day!thnx eh?haha

everyone enjoyed it!but of course,a big thanx to sham everybody!!

feewwweett!

okay,it's included in my "one-of-my-best-days" list!

but,there's one thing that is not.

its in my worst day list.

and that is you,fiona.

what can i say?your a rebel.

ima rebel too,but i dun get myself in trouble with the law.

coz i know,in singapore,you can't hide from the law forever.

so what the heck are you doing???

running away from court dates and stuffs.

listen,its not cool.its embarrassing.

for me,for your family.

you think i was alright when you told me your life's in danger??

obviously from the sentence i can tell you've beaten up somebody.

baby,WHAT THE FUCK??

what good does violence bring?

satisfaction??

think bout it,satisfaction felt for over a minute.

guilt felt forever.

cops coming after you,

you can't run,i told you.

and now your telling me your afraid of girlshome.

wait a minute,didn't you think bout this before you do some shit??

your not a visionary,im certain about it.

i have nothing else to say.

where ever you are,hope your safe.

i'd pray for you.

day and night.

im not angry,whatever i say above is logical.

no matter what shit comes,no matter how much you've hurt me,

i'm willing to forgive.

becoz i know i can't change you to become a better person.

instead,i can change myself to make you realise that your actions has an effect on me.

hopefully this way,you'd change.

im the one,who will stay by your side,no matter what.

lately i have nothing better to do but photoshop and stuffs.
handphone to photoshop to friendster to blog.
nothing else.
alrights,its the first day of the fasting month.
29 more days to raya!
hahah,kinda looking too far ahead ay?
went down to meet the rest just now at around 7.30pm.
met phin first,folllowed by the rest.
'kecoh' uhs.
went to playground at park nearby.
slack and played soccer.
its been along time i last played soccer.
slack till arnd 10 plus,went home.
blog and stuffs.
feeling bored and depressed.
guess what peeps?i shed tears today.
took a nap in the afternoon,had a dream.
i dreamt baby came to me and gave me a long hug.
she said "i can't take it no more,its been a long time since i last saw you.baby,i love you
don't ever leave me here,alone".
how it felt was real and true.
when i woke up,i realised it was just a dream.
at that part i was feeling down,coz i thought it was real.
all day i was thinking,hoping it would come true.
darling,its all about you.
so hold me close and say 3 words like you use to.
and i will answer all your wishes,if you ask me to.
but if you deny me one of your kisses,dunno what i'll do.
its about you.